In a Nutshell
Understand your Grief
Be prepared that people around you will try their best to console you. But you need to realize that although they have only the best intentions, they will seldom succeed in consoling you. The main reason for this is that our community is not at ease with people who are grieving. They all want you to FEEL BETTER and to continue with your life as if nothing had happened. They will make many well-intended remarks, hoping to thereby console you. You will most probably find that all these remarks will not console you, but instead will irritate you, frustrate you and even anger you.
Embrace your Grief
Something terrible has happened! Your loved one has died! You have been wounded, albeit an emotional wound, nevertheless.
You need time, space and a license to grieve. Contrary to popular belief, time alone does not heal the broken heart. But active grieving, in time will help you heal.
You need to realize that grieving is NORMAL, NECESSARY and HEALTHY. Remember that one might be able to suppress grief and to postpone it, but one can never bypass grief. Therefore embrace your grief. Meet your grief head-on and work through it. Work towards healing.
- Admit to yourself the enormity of your loss. The fact that your loved one died can not be altered/changed. The person can never be replaced in any way.
- Talk about the person, the events and about your feelings as often as possible.
- Express your emotions. Not just your intense heartache, but also your anger and frustration. Vent these feelings. They are normal and you have every right to feel the way you do.
- Finally, it might be of great value to you to write a letter or even a series of letters to your loved one. Express how you feel, how difficult you find the process of mourning, how intensely you long for him/her. You can also use these letters to settle any “Unfinished business”, if there are any.