Is it ok?

Love is a wonderfully splendid thing and once we have felt it, the joy and pain it can cause, we understand why the poets, lyricists and novelists still write about it today. Life is also not meant to be lived alone. When you find the partner you want to share the rest of your life with, the two of you embark on one of the most significant journeys you will have. So, what happens when death cuts that journey short? What happens when, after a couple of months, or years, you feel that you want to start dating again and you might even find that you start loving another person.

Life doesn’t stop

When your partner passes, life pauses for a while. People tread lightly and watch what they say, you get time off work to organise the funeral and grieve, it might also feel like your emotions have paused and you’re stuck in grief. If you have kids, things might not pause in the same way as you feel you must keep going to help them through it. You still have to deal with the emotions, though, and it could be good for you to seek grief counselling, for yourself and your kids, to help you work through your emotions and get back to a new version of normal. Fact is you do get back to a type of normal, work continues, people stop treading lightly, you have to get back to making food, cleaning dishes, mowing the lawn. You also get back to having normal emotions. For many that means you still want to have someone to share your life with. You want a companion and someone to share intimate moments with. You might realise that you have space in your heart to love again, and there is nothing wrong with that. When do I take off my wedding ring after I became a widow? Read our blog here.

Loving another person

Your grieving timeline is unique to you. It might take months before you feel like you want to date again; it might take you years before you feel ready to invite a new person into your life in such a meaningful way. For others, they may never want to take that step to love and commit to another individual. Whatever your situation and reality, the most important thing is for you to deal with your grief in a healthy manner and to also remember and honour your past healthily. If you do decide that you want to date again or if you have met someone that you start to feel is more than just a friend, it is important to not expect him/her to be the same as you departed partner. They are individuals in their own right, and if you have a relationship, it will be as unique as you two are unique individuals. It is important to have open communication about the fact that you will probably always love your previous partner. Despite that fact, the human capacity for love is extraordinary and it is possible to hold two partners in your heart – your partner that passed and the one you have since come to love.

Even though death has a way of pausing our life for a while, it should never have such a hold over us that it keeps us frozen in time. Life is magnificent and when you have grieved, you should give yourself the opportunity to find the joy in life again. If that means you find love again as well, it is normal and beautiful. You are not disrespecting or degrading your past because you decide to move on with your life. In fact, your past can help you cherish the new relationship you have even more and make you appreciate every moment because you know how fleeting it can be.