Sometimes, people reach out to us with their personal stories of loss. Each of these touches our hearts and reminds us of the unique path grief takes for individuals…
Love you madly, bye!
Dedicated to a dear friend, Alan.
Learning to love someone is often the easy part. It’s the parting that’s scary. It’s also the parting that makes it difficult to start loving someone in the first place.
Just over a year ago, I moved to Hermanus to stay with my mom. During that time, I got to know some of her friends better and, inevitably, grew closer to them.
It’s been an interesting journey, to say the least. It’s almost like wandering through fields and plucking small flowers of wisdom, taking them home, and putting them in a vase to decorate your ‘inner home’.
One of these people was Alan. I wouldn’t say that he necessarily shared any specific wisdom with me, but I did learn a lot from him simply by observing him and sometimes trying to understand and see life through his lens.
As I am writing this, we are waiting for that final call from the hospital. In his own way, he made it too easy to love him. And that means facing my fears of parting ways with him as well.
Isn’t it easier to just not love at all?
I’ve lived this way for most of my life. Naturally, I prefer keeping my circles small, but I also know that this became a sort of coping mechanism for me to avoid the painful experiences that come along with having loving people in my life.
People need people. A life without shared experiences is a very lonely, loveless and isolating one. The pain of losing someone is the price we pay for the honour of knowing and loving people and having a colourful life. Thanks to Alan and the micro-moments I shared with him over the last year plus, I will have small reminders of him wherever I go.
Funky socks, VW beetles and combi’s, pancakes after parkrun, ice cream in Onrus, cameras, hippie pants… These will all serve as little sticky notes throughout life, reminding me of him. Obviously, without those shared experiences, these things would just be things, and I wouldn’t have any emotional reaction to them when I encounter any of these post-its.
I suppose that’s part of what life is all about. To open yourself up and let people in so that you can create moments and experiences. These experiences become reminders that you lived and allowed the universe to take its course with your heart. It becomes a reminder that you were able to give love AND receive love.
It makes something ordinary meaningful. Parting ways is inevitable, but living in those moments and collecting those experiences will never be taken away from you.
A small bottle of Coke, a Bar One chocolate and chocolate-coated almonds will never be just snacks. They will always be the “thank you” I received every time I took Alan to the shop after parkrun. It would remind me of the sacrifice someone would make to express gratitude when they already have so little to give. It would remind me of how my presence and a lift home were enough to make someone’s day. Because, at the end of the day, people need people.
So, Uncle Alan, thank you for all the invaluable sticky notes that I will carry with me for life. You will always have a special place in my heart.
Like you would always say when I dropped you off, ‘Love you madly, bye!’
To everyone else, allow yourself to live and love. Life really is best when shared.
Much love,
Your friend, Giggles
This is a reminder that love is found in the simplest of moments—the laughter over a shared meal, the comfort of a familiar routine, and the kindness exchanged without expectation. Though parting is painful, love does not disappear; it transforms into memories that continue to shape those left behind. As shared with us, this story highlights the beauty of human connection and the lasting impact of even the smallest gestures.
At Sonja Smith Elite Funeral Group, we honour these stories and the lives they represent, knowing that love—however fleeting—leaves an imprint that time can never erase.
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