‘The sandwich generation’ is a term used to describe adults caring for their children and their ageing parents. And those children don’t have to be minors; it can include supporting a grown child.
Conservative estimates show that at least 30% of South African households are now multi-generational. An increasing number of adult children are returning home, adding more strain to already burdened households.
Here, the sandwich generation typically consists of 40 to 60-year-old adults caught in the middle of two slices of responsibility. These people face several challenges that have long-term implications for current and future generations.
What Are The Challenges?
These adults, mostly women, are experiencing financial strain, emotional stress, physical struggles and feelings of being unsupported. Being squeezed in the middle also takes a toll on their careers.
Effect on Finances:
Costs rise in terms of food, utilities, car insurance, and sometimes housing for children. This is true, especially when young adults are living at home or need financial assistance to live on their own.
Meantime, these same parents are also paying extra to hire housekeepers, caregivers, and the like. They might be subsidising home renovations (like adding wheelchair ramps or walk-in tubs) to increase their senior parents’ safety.
All of this, while many people lack sufficient savings for their own retirement.
Effect on Physical, Emotional and Mental Health:
As if the added financial burden isn’t stressful enough, those in the sandwich generation are doing more than double duty. They must stay on top of their loved ones’ physical, emotional and mental health, too.
The sandwich generation often experience:
- Emotional stress
- Problems sleeping
- Caregiver burnout and feelings of guilt and isolation
- Excessive worries about not being a good spouse, parent or child due to limited time
- Trouble juggling work, hobbies, relationships and self-care
- Psychological challenges as they struggle with being pulled in multiple directions
Effect on Jobs:
It’s hard to juggle a career while taking care of family members. Few companies offer paid leave for child care or senior care issues. Taking time off from work can become disruptive. Not every employer understands if you have to leave because your 90-year-old mom is hospitalised or your child has a fever and needs to be picked up from daycare.
Tips For the Sandwich Generation
The primary mission of a caregiver is to keep everyone safe and healthy. However, like not using the oxygen mask first on the plane before helping others, if they neglect their own health, they can’t help anyone.
For Yourself:
- Eat nutritiously.
- Take downtime to do things you enjoy.
- Maintain a sense of humour.
- Get ample sleep.
- Take breaks.
- Manage expectations, self-criticism, and perfectionist tendencies.
- Look for small wins — positive things that happened in the day.
- Most importantly, ask for help when it’s necessary.
For Ageing Parents:
- Consider moving them into your home to curb expenses.
- Think about part-time in-home senior care so you don’t have to shoulder the entire burden.
- Ask siblings to contribute money, time or help in some way.
- Consider investing in a medical alert system to make sure they are monitored 24 hours a day.
- Invest in high-quality hearing aids to ensure they are as alert to their surroundings as they can be.
- Make sure they have a valid Will and a plan for when they eventually do pass on. Create a Life File for each parent to avoid further stress and anxiety in future.
For Young Adult Children:
- Set boundaries by agreeing to provide them with a set amount of support each month or year for predetermined expenses and write up an agreement.
- Set rules of the house together so expectations are clear regarding cleaning, curfews, responsibilities, etc.
- Keep the doors of communication open. Make time to talk about feelings, exhibit empathy and resolve issues quickly to keep anxiety at bay.
For Family Dynamics:
- Communicate honestly.
- Don’t forget to continue connecting as a parent and child — going beyond the caregiver role.
- Have weekly or monthly family meetings. Setting up a regular time creates a definite space and time to address matters or air grievances and find solutions before they fester. Make time for meaningful and courageous conversations to avoid regrets later.
Conclusion:
It’s important not to try to do it all yourself. Accepting help from caring family members, friends, and neighbours can help you get through the difficult times. It takes a village!
If you’ve reached a point where you really need professional guidance, find a good therapist. They can help you cope with unhealthy thoughts and behaviours. They’ll assist you with tools to help you effectively be a caregiver to both your senior parents and children and still thrive.
On the positive side, many caregivers say they benefit by gaining a sense of purpose and meaning when they care for their loved ones.
At Sonja Smith Elite Funeral Group, we believe everyone deserves care, compassion and dignity.
Everyone deserves superior service, the best possible – the elite – all at an affordable price.
That is why Elite is in our name – because we provide personalised, professional support.
Rest assured, when you contact us, you’ll receive the best possible and affordably-priced service every step of the way.
Click here for an online quotation for our services: https://forms.zohopublic.com/sonjasmithfuneralgroup/form/OnlineQuotes/formperma/KUFatX5p1BZlrFT89PG5CAVNzDvZQLmUa1w6iFpExto
