In an elegy titled ‘In Memoriam’ Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote the line, “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” It might be hard to agree with that statement in the month of February, though.
The world around us is decorated in shades of red and pink, roses fill the aisles in every shop, and happy couples seem to be everywhere. Everyone is celebrating love, romance, and companionship—or it appears that way, at least. That is why grieving in February can be particularly challenging.
If you are navigating loss during the month of love, feelings of loneliness and isolation can be intensified, especially when a long-term partner has passed away recently. But grief knows no time limit or calendar. Even when a partner passed away many years ago, when the whole world is in love and romance is all around us, the pain can return in full force.
Let’s look at the unique challenges of grieving in February and consider the complexities that arise during a month filled with societal expectations of joy and celebration. Here are a few key points to keep in mind:
Acknowledging the Feelings:
Recognise and honour your emotions. It is perfectly natural to feel the way you do. As the English proverb says, “Where there is love, there is pain.” Your heartbreak is a testament to the love you shared. Do not feel pressured to “move on” quickly or to suppress your grief. Allow yourself to experience your emotions fully and at your own pace.
Dealing with Reminders:
Valentine’s Day, family gatherings, and the romantic themes that dominate this time can act as sharp reminders of loss. Acknowledge the pain these triggers bring, and find meaningful ways to honour your loved one. Whether that means stepping back from certain activities, practising self-care, or distracting yourself with calming routines, give yourself permission to do what feels right for you.
Seeking Support:
Grieving is easier when surrounded by empathy and understanding. Share your emotions with supportive friends or family members. If that feels difficult, consider joining a grief support group where others understand what you’re going through. You don’t have to face this journey alone.
Practising Self-care:
Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Ensure you’re getting enough sleep, eating nourishing meals, staying active, and engaging in activities that bring you comfort. If attending Valentine’s Day events or being in triggering environments feels overwhelming, it’s okay to decline. Honour your needs.
Celebrating Memories:
Rather than avoiding the pain of loss, February can be an opportunity to celebrate cherished memories. Find meaningful ways to remember and celebrate the life of the person you’ve lost, whether it’s through sharing stories with friends and family, visiting a special place or putting together a memory scrapbook.
Get Professional Help:
If your grief is overwhelming, consider consulting a grief counsellor. Therapy can provide valuable guidance and coping mechanisms. You don’t have to “be strong” for yourself or anyone else.
Conclusion:
Grief can feel isolating, particularly in February, when the world appears to be celebrating love. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your journey. Healing is not a linear process, but by embracing your emotions, finding support, and recognising this month’s unique challenges, you can move toward acceptance and peace.
We can live with grief, and we can live through the month of love.
We hope you find moments of comfort and solace this Valentine’s Day.
